I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
trying to figure out who visited the hillshire farms website enough for it to be in my top sites.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize