i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
Ia nefed hefelkp i am a taxi
he woke up with $200 in his pocket and had to buy his cell phone back from a hobo at the bus stop.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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