is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Let's have sex in an apple orchard
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
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