rolled in at 7am w/ 2 girls i met at the strip club. my neighbor was getting up to mow the lawn before he took his kids to school. i'm 31. he's younger. if given the chance, you think he'd want to switch places?
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
craigslist faux pas number 857, just got head in a disability bus.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
were trying to schedule when i can give him head in between classes.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
yeah a little bit of me felt bad about it. But the rest of me was having sex with him.
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
His parents then knew me as the blackout who took care of him and stole his watch
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
