i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
Just woke up with three stitches in my left boob. Nevertheless, I think I'm going to like this school.
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
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