You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
New found love of volunteering, when there's free wine available at all times. Good times. And I get to to feel good about helping people.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Comedy Central is in dire need of more sitable faces late at night - Trevor Noah has a baby face - there are federal rules against those types of sexual fantasies
Randomize
