i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
It's like god made him fantastic at oral to make up for what his mouth does the rest of the time.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
