you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
I was more than drunk as hell I have rug burn on my elbows from ninja roles on the ground..
they had to take the Corona's out of the fish tank because they wouldn't fit with the mini replica of the roman coliseum in there. so we drank the Corona's. does beer have an expiry date?
who's job is it to make sure we don't run out of tp since the incident of 09'... Thats right you go get some
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
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