Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
Can we fast forward to the part where we get gyros
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
Dude i'm seriously thinking about his nipples.
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
he handed me my panties in front of my date. turns out he wasn't that mad.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
