we have to go try and show our tits so we can get ID-free drinks at applebees
Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
The guy who bit me so hard two nights ago that I had to put Neosporin on my nipple and the guy in my bed right now are two different people. Help
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
I just blew thrown up hashbrowns out my nose. That's the level of this hangover.
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
I've been drunk texting you for weeks, and you watched me puke outside your house... I say it's time we meet in person.
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