can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Guys with integrity exist just to rain on my slut parade.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I'm going to pound you from behind over a table at the bar while I pull your hair and call you a whore...please pass along that message to Rob
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
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