My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
He came on my chest. Sat back and said "hey it sorta looks like lake michigan!" kill me now...
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I found the other part of your tooth if you want to put it under your pillow
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
two fat guys on crotch rockets just invited me to 'party' with them at a del taco. why does this keep happening to me?
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Randomize
