Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
he's got a countert top full of yard sale blenders so id say maragita wednesdays is a go.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
So glad I can hide money in my wallet and drunk me is too stupid to find it. Hangover sushi ftw.
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
Randomize
