why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
I don't know if it's her mysterious past or atrocious grammar, but I think I'm in love.
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
the owner gave me a free bottle of vodka and a 12pack of red bull if i agreed to leave. my drunken antics are finally paying off.
you're wrong. we DID have sex last night. just ask your roommate. you seriously don't remember him asking to join us?
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
Well I consider my vagina a dear friend. She treats me good I treat her good. We work together. Glad we could be of service.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
She's not a foreskin expert like you
I gave him a BJ and he left. Coincidentally that's the name of my memoir.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
Randomize
