Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
There are drunk kids outside our building hugging that cop that's always on his bike as he's citing them for public drunkenness. It's not even 11 am.
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Im playing the how drunk can i get before my card declines game. being single sucks. But getting drunk after work alone in fridays on a wenesday night sucks way more.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
