I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
id one day like to live in a world full of emotionless and wonderfully fullfilling sex...
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
Randomize
