We're gonna have to suck it up and start making out for free drinks. No homo. I'm watching Tyra "I kissed a girl and I got free drinks."
Let's do it. All homo
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
Yeah, he has a kid now! Shit... You know you're all grown up when the people you used to have threesomes with become parents
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
the awesomest thing about staying behind in our lame ass dorm room by myself during spring break: I've now nutted in 3 inconspicuous locations on your side of the room. brag to me again about how fucking awesome tahoe is you shithead. I dare you.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
