i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
I just did the math. It is, in fact, cheaper to go out drinking every weekend than it would be for me to pay for a legitimate therapist. What are you doing next Friday night?
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
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