After last night, I could never be a politician.
Ever have a poop and think... that has no business coming out of a human? Like it looks like a sick dog's or a ferral animal's?
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
im sure shes a lovely person but i cant be friends with someone that doesnt drink. its just not right.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
