and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
I did something last night that I shouldn't have, but I don't want to tell you because you'll probably just make it your fb status...
I see you've learned your lesson.
i made potato chips in weed oil. what did you do today?
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
Its so bad though\nOur relationship has gotten to the point where im posing nude with a swiffer
Tried to put an eye patch on while hooking up with a girl. She was not amused.
"Don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor, don't bang the neighbor..." he chanted helplessly
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
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