theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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