why is it impossible to run with a back pack without looking like a giant d-bag?
haha... you gave me a great visual of you in high white socks running with a backpack with eye of the tiger playing in the background
that only happened once.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I just called him "young grasshopper" in a conversation. THIS is why I don't get numbers when I'm sober
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
Somehow his homemade liquor activated memories of my semester abroad three years ago. I ended up yelling random medical advice in German, while my roommates played dress-up with the cat stoned out of their minds. I consequently gave up on dating. Back in the ONS game.
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Randomize