He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
just walked past a girl in her cap and gown puking her brains out beside a tree. her friends were taking pictures of her.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
He came up behind me making dolphin noises in my ear when I noticed a collection of hors d'ouevres from the reception earlier in his jacket pocket
I will never doubt you again...he IS perfect for you
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
He refused to pierce my nipples, saying they are the best he's ever seen and that blemishing them would be a crime
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
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