so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
you were trying to give my penis an indian burn.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
Fair enough. I'm gonna finish off half a bottle of Brunettes in the shower anf relive the good ol' days. We need a reunion
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
The only words I could make out were "Dicksmash McIroncock".
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