You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
