Its a bunch of hippies dancing in front of a stobe light. For ten dollars I could have gone to the strip club and at least had a lap dance
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
I am sweating out the vodka to make room for the whiskey tonight.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Well... He is a good looking man underneath all the fat and muff.
Trust me. I don't get home before 5am. I know what Immmm doing. BTW bail money is in my closet. PEACE
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
Got wasted in a little tiki hut by the beach yesterday. Woke up with a coconut and half of a mushroom burger in my purse. I also have a picture of our Romanian bartender's fingernails on my phone lol
Why do you always wake up with meat in your purse?
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
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