well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
Two words that describe last night: naked and backflips.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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