I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I can't tell whether I'm a) still hungover from two nights ago, b) legitimately sick or c) all of the above... multiple choice was never my forte
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
She was blowing me like a porn star and all I could think was "you just told me your grandfather is dying in hospice right now"
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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