She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
She just used a chaser for red wine.
so i think im going to actually use my calories on food today instead of beer.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
A DRUNK EMT IS BETTER THAN NO EMT!!!
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
