So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
sex in a hospital.. check
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
If I take a couple more shots I won't even know he's a Mormon that drives a motorcycle
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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