You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Some clips from last night: grinded like I haven't since college. Took shots with a bartender with a bad ass mustache. Made up a string of lies with fake names and occupations. Slept behind the couch with pizza in my hand
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Just got offered cocaine at ihop. Stay classy America.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
Randomize
