No stitches, just platelets and will power
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am unable to type or say "unprotected, receptive anal sex" with a straight face. clearly, HIV was a poor research paper topic choice.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
I've been told that their best stripper is on maternity leave. NEVER AGAIN.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
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