I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
do you know how hard it is to pee with a pumpkin in the toilet ?
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Well the strippers have danced to goo goo dolls and green day, time of your life. Were all gonna commit suicide.
I don't judge her for getting booty calls at 2 in the morning, so she can't judge me for staying in friday nights and putting spray cheese on pringles.
Haha! You know I mean that in a positive way. Like, "let them eat cake!" Or in our case, "let them achieve obesity from the two entree plate at Panda Express!"
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I threw up in my 8 AM. Morale is low.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
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