well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
i'm sitting in the pool eating chicken pot pie with my little brother's friend. moments like these are the reason i love weed.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
We just shotgunned beers for America
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
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