I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Its name is Richard. And I think he formally introduced us.
i just saw that homeless guy who dresses like the cat in the hat at the liquor store. i guess he got enough change to have a good weekend. oh the places he'll go
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
I just opened my filing cabinet at work for the first time in months. It looks just like my pantry: nothing but peanut butter and whiskey.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
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