billy ray cyrus is narrating a show on the history channel. my iq cant decide whether to go up or down.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
Good ideas don't start with we have a bottle of vodka..
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I just traded ecstasy for trapeze lessons...you in?
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
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