I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I miss him.. What the hell did I get myself in to? I guess it will get better with time.
No. Just liquor. Time's no good.
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
It's like the bat signal. He only texts me when I'm naked.
Came home to my roommate drinking a 40 in the shower. Chugging with his hair still fully shampoo'd.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
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