I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
Just FYI, by the transitive property my breasts have now touched the Stanley Cup.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
As he was cumming he yelled "Yahtzee" then said im free to go. Thats my one night stand
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
No. I'm home alone and 100% dickless. I hate my life.
Randomize
