I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
I know. You don't know poor life choice until your sitting on the floor of a community bathroom waiting to vomit at 4 am
He had to carry me to the car. But then sat with me and waited for me to sober up enough to have sex. He's a keeper.
screw jello shots the kids from the culinary school made pudding shots with 4 loko.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
we didn't even throw knives this time! it was just the carrot peeler
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Randomize
