I attract so much trash. The guy that is engaged and kissed me is here so is his fiancé. I feel likeshw knows and will cut me in the bathroom might happen. If I'm not at the pool tomorrow she has blonde hair and is really flat.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
no more hot dogs for you........
fine no more vajj for you
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
explaining to a nurse how i all most cut my finger off playing beer pong, she def just hand me a AA booklet.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Never go with a hippy to a second location. I fucking hate Xanax.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
I want your cock. I also want to cuddle you and tell you how amazing you are, because you know balance.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
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