I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
It wasn't long before I skipped the martini glass and went straight to drinking from the shaker.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Nothing says walk of shame like leather pants in daylight
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
Randomize
