I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I kept waking up & seeing my Goodfellas poster and thinking it was a window with people crammed against it staring at me.
I guess the lighting in my room made it look like they were moving. I remember telling myself that they were watching over me and protecting me from the cops
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I have this vague feeling that I was involved in a dance off with a homeless man?
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
We bird danced in front of the bird cages for 20 minutes. I think it was our way of being like fuck you guys you're in a cage and we're on summer break.
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
