i would totally switch to progressive if they'd let me bang that girl in the commercial.
she's walking around the room telling people she can make the room move with her mind and then she shakes her head really fast yelling 'see?!'
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
He totally just went there for sex cuz he slept in her roommates bed the rest of the night after they were done...
pure definition of booty call.
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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