Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i finished masturbating and realized my blackberry had accidentaly called my grandmother in my pocket during it. awkward...
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
Randomize
