I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
I play with my boobs when I'm bored. I playwith my nipples whe I'm drunk
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
We did it to 80's cardio music. Talk about a workout.
You just sent me an audio message of you peeing. That’s true love right there.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
