woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
I cannot believe I said bareback movement...
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
Other than the whole stab wound in my leg thing, today was pretty good. The nurses all loved me and gave me a sandwich and juice.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
Randomize
