Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
Tonight I learned to never try to impress your ex by dancing on the stripper pole while drunk. That’s how you end up in the ER
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Randomize
