So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
I got laid because I told her I play guitar. I haven't played in 7 years and only know a G chord. I love this place.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Dude, I had to masturbate just to stay warm. Please pay the gas bill?
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
I just had sex on a bear rug. My life is complete.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
My phone autocorrected "shhhhh" to "AHHHHHHHHH" and I feel like that says a lot about my life
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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