He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
Be prepared to possibly be invited to a fancy strip club breakfast on Friday and be prepared to say yes.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
Randomize
