...., I just tried brushing my hair wothh a toothbrushg. fail
ps not my toothbrush awkward.
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
We're like two naked peas in a sex pod.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
So as I left the Australian's hotel room, I said "Welcome to America. You're going to do just fine here."
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
We kind of broke a table making out. So yes, I'd say it was successful.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Randomize
