he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
Gfs sis is in town. Its awkwardly obv that we want to fuck each other.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
do you know how hard it is to sit through a 3 hour movie with someone and not fuck them?
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
you know it's bad when you need sunglasses to open the refrigerator
He woke up licked his hand and put it on my vag and went back to sleep. This is twice this week and its only wednesday
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Im sorry that my initial plan of you grabbing his dick didnt work out but Im glad you grabbed his heart
You kept asking her which dick pills worked the best. She's a grandmother.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
Randomize
