thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
If you were curious as to how many pounds of bagged marijuana can fit in the trunk of a 2010 Chevrolet Aveo, we now have the answer
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
She had caution tape on her head and she blew me.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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