So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
Ran into my prostitute at Costco yesterday. She was with her boyfriend, I was with my kids. Awwwwkward.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
How is it I was the last to know everyone calls me tig ole bitties? Did y'all have a meeting about this that I wasn't invited to?
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
I was just hotboxing under my sheets and I got lost on the way out.
It was so scary.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
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