If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
I believe its time to stop celebrating Thanksgiving. I've been drunk for over a week. If my liver doesn't give out, and I'm not pregnant I will truly have something to be thankful for.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
someone in the elevator just told me i looked like a struggle but i smell very pretty..
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
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