my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
So he has moved up to a stage 5 clinger...Surprised he didn't try to lure you into bed with tacos, like he did last time
Yeah... akward. I don't want a round 2
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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