i'm so high that my cigarette just tasted like chef boyardee. no lie.
he kept his composure pretty well until he puked on the cop car
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
He is really real. Like I know where he works, have referenced him with mutual fb friends and I've seen his dick. He's real.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I literally can not watch Thor without thinking of your dick
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
