Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I think I need to stop sleeping with him. Sex with him is just a reminder of the mediocrity of the rest of my life.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Time is so short and I miss you. (I just watched that commercial where the people all laugh and get older and die.)
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
It was a simpler time. With fewer STDs.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
Randomize
