Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
Bad news: I had to be at work at 7:15. Good news: no one had used the bathroom yet so I got to defile a freshly cleaned stall
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
I want to meet people. Preferably ones with penises
Randomize
