You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
Besides Rainforest Cafe, there's nowhere i'd rather be intoxicated than here
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
just ran into my gynecologist at the liquor store... i think she's found the source of my problems
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
He also gave me two gold stars for sex. On my nipples.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
Oh god now he thinks I'm into him because I've been staring at him trying to figure out what animal he looked like
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
His boxer smelled like clean laundry while I was giving him head. It was delightful, like sucking a dick in a spring meadow.
Hey, I was just wondering why i dont have a shirt on, why im cuddling with a furnace, why im in my own basement, and where my car is.
This whole thing is fucking bullshit. I should be wasting all my hard-earned money at Planet Con this weekend but NOOOOOOOOO. Now I'll never get Roy Thomas to sign my comic
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