My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
I think im going to throw up on grandma
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
You should be proud. How many people can say they GAVE a stripper an std?
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Randomize
