yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
Nahh. Maybe not even a handful. It's more like a heaping teaspoon worth of dick.
Oh my god I just remembered I bit a stripper last night.
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
ARE YOU DEAD? TEXT Y FOR YES OR N FOR NO.
Randomize
