That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
dude, no lie, I would make out with you in front of them wearing nothing but a rainbow colored speedo
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
Randomize
