you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
He wants to know how I lost my bra in his pants....id like to know too
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I just found weed in my bra #magicboobs2k16
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
